Part2: Interview: What does it imply (Recommendation)

Those recommendations are from Sue Knight, the author of NLP at work

1. Recognise that a perceived attack is just that – perceived and that you can if you wish frame it as an opportunity.
2. Decide what outcome you want to achieve e.g to portray the flexibility that comes from making choices in our thinking and behaviour. It might be that you want to connect favourably with the person to whom you are responding.
3. Ask yourself – 'what response would you ideally like from the other person?' For example would you like them to understand your point of view / accept your experience / agree with you?
4. Presuppose that what we give is what we get and decide how you can be an example of those responses that you would like in return. So if you really want the other person to understand your point of view are you willing to understand theirs (and I do mean really understand theirs)?
5. Be the example of what you want in the way that you respond. Resist the temptation to get revenge / rationalise / dispute …
6. Put yourself in the other person's shoes to check out that the effect of what you are saying or doing is likely to get the reaction that you want.
7. Do it
8. Get whatever feedback that you can to find out what effect you did have.
9. Decide how you can learn from that.

For the full article
http://www.sueknight.co.uk/Publications/Articles/WhenNLPAtt.htm

Part1 Interview: What does it imply?

This is a portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.

FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to teach these young boys when they visit your base?
GENERAL REINWALD: We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the rifle range.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don't you admit that this is a terribly dangerous activity to be teaching children?
GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle discipline before they even touch a firearm.
FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
GENERAL REINWALD: Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you?

The radio went silent and the interview ended.

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What is your opinion on this dialog? Who is right and who is wrong?
Well, there is no right and no wrong. It depends on one's motive when he/she says that.

It is evident that the female interviewer's statement is sort of "challenging", so is the statement from the general Reinwald. but what is the consequence when the interviewer or the general chose to mention that arguments?

The lady is of course obviously inviting "argument" or "war" with/without intension or insulting the general's training method with/without intension. It is also up to the general to accept or reject the invitation. He has a choice to make the dialog going smoothly, sweatly or happily, or oppositely.

Due to the ego and the "facts" that the man has, he chose to accept the "war" by replying "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but you're not one, are you"

Does he have other authenative to reply the statement of that lady so that both of their self esteem can be fulfilled and the dialog can be continued smoothly?

Any suggestion?? Do leave your message in the comment box.

Love: Avoid A Bad Marriage

Avoid A Bad Marriage
By Hara Estroff MaranoSpecial to eDiets
April 12, 2005

Of all the decisions you make in your life, few are as important as who you choose to marry or live with. Make a bad choice and you can spend your days and nights mired in unhappiness or consumed by anxiety or depression, conditions that not only rob your mental health but undermine your physical health as well.

You might be consigned to economic instability or subjected to physical or verbal abuse. Or you might find yourself struggling as a single parent. The consequences of a poor choice, and of marital dissatisfaction or even disruption, are far-reaching, extending even to the next generation.

So, do yourself a big favor and make sure you choose a mate wisely. Yes, you need some basic relationship skills like communication, problem solving and conflict resolution. But, you also need a partner who’s willing to engage in all of them with you and create what most of us want more than anything -- a sense of closeness to someone else.

There is, ladies and gentlemen, a science of mate selection, as it’s known in the psych biz. Relationships are not mysterious entities that enter your life through a magical flash of lightning sometimes called “chemistry.” That, folks, has nothing to do with the ability to form an enduring bond.

Love isn’t blind at all. Healthy relationships are in fact built on love, trust, commitment, intimacy and attachment.

Step One:
You meet someone you like -- and, importantly, someone who demonstrates unquestionably that feelings are mutual. Then what you need to do, contends psychologist John Van Epp, is to pace the growing closeness so that you have the opportunity to explore the attitudes and behaviors that foretell the future. Time is an important factor in this.
As you grow to know someone, says Van Epp, you determine what you can and can’t trust. You also rely on him/her to meet certain needs. As time goes by, you develop some level of commitment. And finally, in a romantic relationship, there is sexual chemistry, which prompts touch.

These are the five bonding forces that form the glue of your relationship, he stresses. And, here’s the catch -- they must grow together in a balanced way. You must keep your heart and your head in harmony. So you never let one of the five forces too far ahead of your progress in any of the others.

Know > > > > > Trust > > > > > Rely > > > > > Commit > > > > > Touch

In other words, says Van Epp, there’s a safe zone you need to stay within as your relationship grows. And the basic rule for staying in the safe zone is, never let the level of one bonding dynamic exceed the level of the previous one.

Therefore, never go farther in sexual touch than the level of your commitment, and do not form a commitment beyond the way the other person has proven reliable. And do not look to your partner to meet your needs beyond your tested trust in him/her. And do not trust someone more than what you know about them.

If you step out of the safe zone, Van Epp finds, you will overlook and minimize problems in the person for the sake of love. Did you get that? If you confer trust before you know someone, or get sexually involved before you fully know someone or before the level of commitment warrants it, then you’re going to be minimizing problems with your partner, compromising your judgment and setting the stage for perpetual disappointment. Too late will you find out that your partner is a jerk.

A relationship begins with knowing someone, and the state of what you know controls the other dynamics. Your knowledge of someone grows with mutual self-disclosure and diverse experiences together, shared together over time. It’s important to see the way your partner functions in a variety of settings -- with friends, with family, with bosses and coworkers, with strangers, with children.

There are five crucial areas to deeply explore and come to know during the dating process:

Family background and childhood dynamics.
Attitudes and actions of the conscience and maturity.
The scope of your compatibility potential.
The examples of other relationship patterns.
Strength of relationship skills. These are the areas that best predict what a person will be like as a spouse and parent. Using this approach, Van Epp insists, you can follow your heart without losing your mind.

http://www.ediets.com/